I have discovered another form of hell. At first I thought it would be being really really hungry, and then working around food... like I do a lot at my cafe. But NOW I have a new one, and that would be having good dreams about your Ex Girlfriend. And I don't mean any Ex Girlfriend I mean the first love Ex Girlfriend.
Your first love really screwes you up, because in reality it is the only perfect relationship you will ever have. By perfect I mean the only one where the idea of breaking up with that person, for the majority of the relationship, will never be in the back of your mind. You are young, naive, and blissfully into your relationship when it's going well. After that the idea that you can break up with somebody and be alone is always in your mind no matter how into things you are... at least that has been my experience. So the truth is in a way I still love my Ex-Girlfriend. It's sad but it is true. I still to this day think back on the way I felt for the first couple of years, and know that it was something really magical.
Which is what I dreamed about. For THREE nights, THREE @#$%ing nights, I dreamed about my first love. The first dream was us... um... well to use a old rap phrase "gettin the friction on." The second dream was that we were still together, and it was like a timewarp into those first few years. The last dream was that I ran into her at a stripmall, and we started talking, and she apologized for treating me like crap for three long years, and basically we had a really good talk, good enough that I wanted to keep in touch with her and maybe date her again (I know she has another guy now, but in my dream she had just broken up with him). It's EVIL! Because you wake up and you ask yourself, why is it I am not talking to this person anymore. So then you got to force yourself to remember just how lonely, and frustrating the end of your relationship really was. So you wake up bummed because you remember that magical time you no longer have, then you bumm yourself out further because you have to remember that crappy other half of the relationship in vivid detail. It sucks. It sucks that it was so wonderful. It sucks that we basically grew apart and just didn't have the sense enough to breakup earlier and become the adults we should be (I can't speak for her, but my Ex was holding me back in a lot of ways... and truthfully I'm pretty sure I was holding her back as well). It sucks because that stupid phrase "you never really truely get over your first love" is stupidly true. So yeah your first love sucks no matter how you slice it, and honestly that is the way it should be.